It hurts being dumped by someone you love. Not only does it hurt, but also the pain is so strong that we subconsciously assign them with more power over us – than they really have. We feel that if someone can hurt us this bad, then they must be very important – and paramount to our lives.
Look at it this way; you loved someone. You loved them very much. And they abandoned you. You thought the world of them and they crushed your heart and stomped on your dreams. Unbelievable – so much power they have…to be able to inflict such heavy and massive destruction to your well-being. And with this ‘imposed’ power, they become almost ‘God-like’ to you. You subconsciously fear this power, and by fearing it, the object of your power – your ex – actually becomes almost like an obsession to you. You think about them all the time. You dream of them. They are the first thought in your head when you wake and the last thought when you go to sleep. Moreover, these constant thoughts dwelling on your ex confuses you. You actually come to believe that you love them and need them far more than you actually do. You make them out to be all-powerful.
That is what being dumped by someone you love does to you. It makes you feel ‘small’ and it makes you view your ex as some ‘larger than life’, omnipotent god.
And what about the one who abandoned you? Do they feel the pain of losing you? Are they making you out to be larger-than-life?
Sadly, the odds are that they are not. If they made the conscious choice to leave you, they more than likely put a lot of thought into that decision. For some reason, they believe that you and they together are not relationship material.
In fact, they may be making you out to be even less important to them than you actually are, as a way of not feeling guilt, shame – or as a way to stop second-guessing their decision to leave the relationship.
Here are some facts to ponder:
(Oftentimes) Some abandoners will feel powerful in the fact that they can and have inflicted so much emotional pain on someone. They may feel somewhat ‘full of themself’ in the knowledge that they – and they alone – have created such extensive devastation. They might even feel a heightened sense of self-importance and ego. Sadly, witnessing your begging, pleading, or the hopeless, lost agony coming from you may even inflate their ego more.
Most abandoners will not openly admit to these feelings of triumph. Hiding these emotions, they are more apt to relay feelings of guilt or regret, either for causing the other person pain, or simply because they are ‘sorry that the relationship didn’t work out’.
However, though, for many abandoners the guilt is very real. To diminish their own guilt, and justify their decision to end the relationship, they will often point the finger away from them by blaming their ex for the breakup, or for the problems in the relationship. Narcissists, especially, will attempt to save their own face at all costs. Even at the cost of you. They often come off as callous, heartless, or cruel to the ones they left behind. Many people who have been dumped by someone they love have come up to me and asked, “How can they just move on so easily, and not hurt like I do? How can someone who claimed they loved me just two weeks ago, this week announce to the world that I am a neurotic bitch?” Because they are a narcissist