Leaving a narcissist is never easy. When I made the decision to leave my narcissistic husband, I went through just about every kind of hell imaginable.
He moved on in a heartbeat. He hid his assets and stole mine.
He tried to turn all our friends against me by spreading lies, calling me names, and accusing me of every insane thing he could come up with.
Living in Constant Fear and Chaos
While I was in the process of leaving, I never knew what to expect. He would swing wildly between ignoring me completely and stalking me obsessively.
One moment, I was nothing to him; the next, I’d come home and find him hiding in my closet.
When Children Are Involved
Children add an entirely different layer of complexity.
A narcissistic parent will either attempt to control the children’s minds, manipulate them, and seek full custody—
not out of love, but for control—or he will discard them altogether like broken possessions that no longer serve his needs.
Expect Hell
The only thing you can expect when leaving a narcissist is hell.
Narcissists do not handle rejection well, and they will do everything in their power to make your life miserable as punishment for daring to leave them.
His Distorted View of Reality
When I was finally walking away, he actually said to me, “Go ahead, leave me now that you’ve gotten what you wanted out of me.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
After eight years of carrying the financial, emotional, and mental load, he truly believed I had used him.
What I Gave
Let me be clear—I worked for eight years while he contributed nothing. I paid two mortgages, three car payments, a $1,100-a-month insurance policy, and all the household utilities—including premium cable and satellite music, just because he wanted it.
I paid for his cell phone, bought him a truck, and funded every piece of musical equipment he ever wanted in pursuit of his “rock star” dreams.
I bought all his clothes. I paid for bi-monthly vacations, limo rides, concert tickets, and fancy nights out.
I gave him expensive gifts on birthdays, holidays, and sometimes for no reason at all.
I even had a custom-built computer made for him.
I Gave More Than Just Money
It wasn’t just material support. I stood by him through his lies and manipulations, including a faked heart attack. I endured his daily outbursts and forgave his countless betrayals.
I was emotionally available to him every time he spiraled into self-pity.
I listened, supported, encouraged, and loved him. I did everything I could to keep the relationship afloat.
I praised even his smallest achievements and gave him everything I had in bed, too, hoping—always hoping—he would see my love and return it.
What Did I Get in Return?
So, what had I “taken” from him? It wasn’t sex. It wasn’t money. And it certainly wasn’t his sweet nature, because he had none.
He was bitter, resentful, and joyless. He could hold grudges longer than anyone I’ve ever known.
He sulked in silence, emotionally punishing me for imagined offenses.
He never gave me anything. No birthday gift. No Christmas present. Nothing on Valentine’s Day.
In fact, he made a habit of not even coming home on holidays.
No Emotional Support, Ever
And that’s not all. Not once did he encourage me. Not once did he show interest in my passions, battles, or struggles.
Not once did he listen to my stories or offer support when I needed it.
Outside of the early love-bombing phase, he gave me nothing but anger, emotional abuse, and disdain.
He was always mad. Always critical. Always cruel. Mean, day in and day out.
His Final Blow
And still, as I was leaving, he told everyone who would listen that I was crazy.
He even accused me of “stealing his name,” whatever that was supposed to mean.
The smear campaign was in full force, and I had to watch people I once considered friends question me—some even turning against me.
A Final Word for Anyone Leaving a Narcissist
Leaving a narcissist is not going to be easy. You may be lucky and get one who just moves on to the next victim the very next day.
But if your story is anything like mine, brace yourself for the emotional warfare that’s coming.
It will be painful. It will be confusing. It will shake you to your core.
But it will also be the beginning of your freedom.